The Moment I Became A Mom.

I had a rough pregnancy. Very early on I was "diagnosed" with Hyperemesis. Which basically is extremely bad morning sickness. I had it the entire pregnancy. It sucked and because of it, I hated being pregnant. I didn't have the glorious beautiful pregnancy I dreamed of having. In the first and second trimester I lost a ton of weight and was constantly being threatened that they were going to send me to the hospital to have an IV put in because I was dehydrated. I was on an anti-nausea medication. And at 13 weeks pregnant I was pulled out of work. I was on bed rest.

From May until August my pregnancy was uneventful. Heck, I couldn't get out of bed for most of it. Then in August I had to start going for ultrasounds and Non Stress Tests every week due to low fluid and slow growth rate.
 
I made it to 37 weeks. I am full term. I waddled into my appointment that Friday. Ok my way of waddling. Remember all that weight I lost? Yeah it didn't really come back much. I was still wearing my regular jeans and clothes. Hate me all you want, to this day I am sad I didn't have my big beautiful baby bump. I never looked pregnant. Our neighbors didn't even know I was pregnant! Any ways I am at the doctors, my appoinments got switched so I had my checkup first and then my sono. Everything was good, heartbeat was strong. Then I had my ultrasound. I had a tech I never had before for my u/s. She looked concerned and at the end asked me to wait in the waiting room she wanted to talk to my doctor. So after waiting for another 20 minutes I was called back again. My doctor said the words I knew were coming from the moment I got up that morning. "We are sending you to the hospital to be induced today." I took a deep breath and nodded. The whole time telling myself don't cry don't cry. The fluid had dropped dangerously low again, Belle had stopped growing completely, and I had an aged placenta, which they still don't know how that happened.

I was allowed to go home and grab my hospital bag. As I was walking to the car I called the Hubs to tell him to come home were going to the hospital. I got home, ran around like crazy cause wouldn't you know it, I was planning on doing laundry that day. Found the most decent clean clothes I had to pack. Grabbed the diaper bag for whatever reason, grabbed the boppy, and the hubs grabbed his own things. This was it. The next time we would come home we would have our daughter. Wow. I'm not ready for this. But I had no choice.

We got to the hospital and settled in to our Labor and Delivery room. I was hooked up to an insane amount of wires and tubes. They had to give me Cervadil to get my body ready before the started me on the Pitocin. The Cervadil, not so much fun. It kick started my labor. And I had back labor. Ugh, it was horrible. But I am very proud of how long I was able to hold out before getting any drugs. I started everything at about 1 in the afternoon. At about 3 in the morning I caved to my husband and the nurse and got the epi.

I'm going to pause and make clear that I was not talked into it. I was ALWAYS going to have the epi. And I am very proud of myself for going as long as I did with out it.

My amazing night nurse started me on the Pitocin at around 5 in the morning. My body was still no where near ready. I was only about 3cm at this point. At 8 our new nurse came in looked at the readings for all the monitors walked out and came back with another nurse. Belle's heart rate was dropping with my contractions. They took me off the Pitocin to see if she would be better off it. Her heart rate kept dopping. So thats when the next words you never want to hear came up. You are going to have to have a C-Section. The world stopped. My husband instantly looked at me. I nodded and said ok. I was clam and collective. If this is what has to be done to keep our daughter safe then that is what we are doing. The nurses couldn't make the actual call, they had to wait for my doctor.

Before my doctor came in the nurses decided to break my water. Right after my doctor came in and took a look at everything then sat down and talked to us about the c-section. Everything was happening so quickly. I don't even remember it all now. At the last minute my doctor decided to check where I was. Within 20 minutes of them breaking my water I was at 10cm. The c-section was called off and I started pushing. Within 20 minutes of pushing our beautiful tiny girl was born. Isabelle Claire was 5lbs 13oz and 18 1/4 in. long. She was beautiful.

I immediatley feel in love with her. She was perfect. Everything I had been waiting for was here. I finally saw what she looked like, what she sounded like, what she smelled like. Perfect. In that moment of them handing her to me I became a mother. My entire world changed. Everything revolved around this little girl. I was in love. I will never forget that moment. I have read and heard stories of mother's not having that instant bond. I was worried that with the rough pregnancy I would feel the same way. But the minute to laid her on my chest I was in love. My entire world changed. I can not even remember what my life was like before her. I am a better person because of her.

I wrote this in part of Theta Mom's 1 year blogoversary. Make sure to stop by and link up to "What Makes You A Theta Mom"!