Friday, March 11, 2011

My Beautiful Moment

I sat on the hard chair in the room waiting for the doctor to come in. I knew this was it. She was going to send me to the hospital. The ultrasound tech was just too quiet during the sonogram. I was thirty seven weeks and had made it to full term and my doctor's goal. I shifted in my seat wishing Patrick had come with me today.

My doctor walked into the room. She pulled up a chair and sat across from me. This wasn't good news. She said the words I knew were coming from the moment I got up that morning. She was sending me to be induced. Tears filled my eyes. This can't be happening yet. My doctor kept talking but she faded into the background. I still had three weeks left. She's not ready yet. Why do I have to be induced? The last question snapped me out of it and my doctor's voice quickly became louder.

Belle had stopped growing. She was no longer safe inside and we needed to get her out. My baby was no longer safe inside me. I couldn't keep her safe. My heart was pounding. I blinked hoping my tears wouldn't spill out down my face. I have to be strong. I can do this. Why wasn't Patrick with me today?

My doctor kept talking. My fluid levels have dropped very low again. This doesn't surprise me. Everything was sinking in. The room that was once bright now looked dark. I want to leave. Why is she still talking? I needed to call my husband.

She kept going. I had an aged placenta. An aged placenta? What does that mean? I should ask. No, I have to get out of here.

It felt like an hour but really it was only five minutes. I got in my car, pulled out my cell phone and called Patrick.


I sat in my hospital bed watching the nurses. One pulled out blue scrubs and handed them to my husband. The pitocin that I had only been on for an hour was making Belle’s heart rate decrease. Taking me off of it didn’t help. They threw out the word C-Section that I was not prepared for.

Patrick sat next to me texting family and answering phone calls while we waited for my doctor to arrive. She had to confirm the c-section. I never imagined I would end up with a c-section. Stay calm. This is what is best for Belle. Do whatever is best for her.

My doctor finally arrived in our room. She came over and sat on my bed and discussed the c-section while being updated by the nurses. The nurses had broken my water about 20 minutes earlier and on a fluke she decided to check how far along I was.

My doctor looked at me completely shocked. I was at 10. We’re going to try pushing. I pushed for twenty minutes with everything I had left to get my little girl here safely with out a c-section. The room became silent and all I heard was the loudest most beautiful cry I have heard my whole life. Her cry filled the room. The stress was over. The worrying was over. Belle was here healthy and happy.

The nurse brought over to me a tiny little pink baby. She was sleeping soundly swaddled in blankets. My baby girl was here and healthy. In that moment my heart swelled and I felt love I have never felt before. I became a mom.

When I read the prompt for this week I instantly knew what I was going to write about. It started out great but when I neared the end I kept losing it. I kept telling rather then showing. I hope it comes out as more showing then telling. For whatever reason this turned out to be more difficult to write then I anticipated.

This is a non-fiction piece I wrote for Red Writing Hood. This week's prompt was to write about something ugly but to find the beauty in. As always constructive criticism is always welcome.


  1. Oh thank goodness for that cry! I had chills throughout this post. That fear about keeping our children safe? That never stops, does it? Well done, Mama!

  2. Wow, how scary. I like how you created suspense in nonfiction. Sometimes in nonfiction pieces, the temptation is to start with the "meat" of the story and tell from there. You didint' do that. You did it like a storyteller. Nice job.

  3. It's that cry from our new babies that spill tears of joy from our own eyes. Wonderful ending.

  4. What a great ending! How terrible it is to feel like our child's safety is slipping out of our control? Great job, mom!

  5. I had fetal growth restriction with my first born. I was terrified.
    Beautiful recollection and such a wonderful ending!

  6. It's the best and worst moment when we get that baby in our arms. All the things we were worrying about seem like nothing compared to the big world. Loved this piece. I've joined to follow your site.

  7. There is nothing more amazing than that first cry, is there?
    Lovely piece.

  8. Oh, the relief! Wow, I can only imagine the panic you must have gone through. This is a perfect example of an ugly moment turning into something beautiful.

  9. Had me on the edge of the seat there....great work!...:)JP

  10. Oh that first cry! There is nothing so beautiful.

    I had to giggle over the aged placenta bit. Not because it was funny - far from it - but your reaction of "What's that mean?" It was the same reaction I had when my doctor told me I had android hips.

    Visiting from TRDC

  11. I like how you start by keeping us in suspense. Nicely done! I think you did a good job with it!

    Here from TRDC! (and b/c I'm your new writing partner!)


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