Tuesday, January 4, 2011

Mommy Guilt She's a B....

Mom guilt is the worse. You get it over everything and mostly over small little things that don't really matter. I got it really bad last week. The month of December was crazy for our family and Belle's schedule was all over the place. Some days we managed to stay on schedule with bedtime. Other nights it was after 8 before she saw her bed. Last week with Christmas over I tried really hard to keep with our routine but then my father ended up in the hospital. Our routines and schedules again were gone. Belle even had to eat grilled cheese from the hospital cafeteria one night for dinner.

On Wednesday her and I were both exhausted and The Hubs had to work. So I decided to stay home with her. Let her play with her new toys that she has not been able to touch since Sunday. I picked her up from The Bug and go figure she wouldn't nap that afternoon. She passed out on the way home. We got home I made her dinner and by the time her and I were both done it was time to start the bed time routine. Where does our time go? Every night I feel we have less and less time.

Seven o'clock came, Oso was over. It was time for bed. I started to get up to go lay her down. She knew what was coming. She looked up at me and started the whine. The entire way to her crib she looked at me with these big sad eyes pleading with me to let her stay up a little longer. I know all she wanted was to lay on the couch with me just a bit longer. I fought myself the whole walk to her crib. Telling myself she needed to go to bed. She needed her routine and she needed sleep. She didn't nap that afternoon.

It was tough looking into the eyes that were pleading for me to let her stay up. It was tough walking out of her room and closing her door while she was crying for me to come back. But after a minute it stopped. She "said goodnight" to her animals. And then she was out. I knew I made the right decision.

I felt the guilt for a good portion of the night. I wanted so desperately to let her stay up and cuddle her a little more. But she needed her routine back. She needed the sleep. After a month of cuddling a little more and letting her sleep in, we had to get back into the swing of things. But that guilt stays with you. Even when you know you made the right decision.

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