Friday, January 7, 2011

It's Not Fair

I scheduled this post for today earlier this week. Before yesterday morning. My father lost his battle with cancer yesterday morning. But I still wanted this post to go up. It's what I was feeling this whole week. And a lot of it I still feel deep in my heart. With that said I will not be around this weekend into Monday. I am sure I will be around near the end of the week with a better post about everything going on.

It's funny that I am a 26 year old grown women. I am a mother to an active little 15 month old, and wife to a wonderful husband. And here I am complaining about how life is unfair. It's unfair that my father is losing his battle with cancer. It is unfair that at 26 I am going to lose my father. It is unfair that my child will grow up not knowing her grandfather. She will not remember him and sadly I don't have many pictures of them together and it KILLS me.

The day after Christmas we had my father sent to the hospital. He had no strength left and it was suggested that he should be there. Luckily they sent him home on Tuesday but he is refined to a hospital bed in my parents living room. He is fading fast and honestly at this point, it is just a matter of time.

This isn't how it was suppose to be. My parents, both of them were suppose to live until they were old and wrinkly. They were suppose to both have great grandchildren. My daughter and my nephew are suppose to have their grandfather. To have the same memories that my brother and I have from when we were kids. I am so angry right now. I am angry at the doctors for not being able to save him. I am mad that there is no cure. I am mad that because of other medical conditions he could not be in trials that could have saved his life. I am mad at God. I am mad at him for creating such a horrible disease. For making him suffer through this and be in constant pain. For making all of us watch him suffer from this awful disease that should not exist. It's not fair. It simply is not fair that I am going to lose my father. A man that should have lived a long healthy, happy life. I am not ready to lose him. I am not ready to face life without him.

It's not fair.


  1. I'm so sorry to read this post. Tears are streaming down my face right now for you. I can't imagine the heartache you're going through. Lots of T&Ps are sent your way. (((HUGS))!

  2. I am so so sorry, my heart is breaking for you.

    My thoughts and prayers are with you and your family at this time and if there is anything I can do, please let me know.

  3. Yesterday I started to write a post about losing my father to help others know what they are going through is normal but erased it and now here I am reading your post. I lost my father suddenly when I was 19 (he was only 46). It's a terrible, terrible pain. I was mad at God too. It's okay/normal to be mad, hurt, sad and lost. I pray for you to find peace. I know there are no words that can help right now.


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