Today I felt like a bad mom. Belle has been sick since this past weekend. Stuffy nose, coughing, and the occasionaly wheezing that goes away and then magically appears again. She is barely eating and isn't taking naps at The Bug. My really good eater has turned into a picky whines at dinner time toddler. She throws her food on the floor and won't drink any water at school anymore.
We got to The Bug this afternoon to pick her up and were welcomed with our first bad report. She was climbing on the table and ignored her teacher when she was told no, numerous times. Then, she pulled her shoes and socks off. No big deal I thought at first. She never has her shoes on when we pick her up. Yeah, no. She then proceeded to try and feed her socks to one of the babies. Where would she even come up with that idea? And where did she learn to climb on the table. She is the oldest in the room and has been since the beginning of December so no one to learn it from or copy.
I fear that she is going to become a terror. I fear she is going to be the child that everyone prays we don't bring to parties and events. I fear we will be given the looks from other parents when out. You know the looks I am talking about. She doesn't listen to us at all. When we call her she ignores us. When we tell her no she ignores us. When we redirect her to something else, she ignores us and goes right back to it. I fear that I am going to be a failure at being a mom.
Since winter started I have hated our nightly routines. Belle is very accustomed to it and it works, but its very structured with no breathing room. And no time for just us and Belle. We start dinner the minute we walk in the door, or then the I'm hungry feed me now tantrums start. She gets is from me. When I am hungry, I am cranky. Then after dinner, its bath time (every other night) then PJ's snuggle on the couch while watching Oso or Handy Manny, then bed at 7 on bath nights its more like 7:15. If bed time is much past 7:30 she is cranky in the morning and I have to fight with her to wake up.
I am afriad what is going to happen this summer. I am afraid that she will go on a sleeping strike like she did last year. Or I am afraid of the complete opposite. She will continue to go to bed at 7 and we will have very little time to play outside with each other during the week.
I fear that I am not doing this right. I want badly for Belle to grow up a well behaved child who does have good manners and shows them more often then not. I am so afraid that she is not going to be well behaved. And honestly, I am not sure how to get there and how to direct her into the right direction. I try so hard, but I some days I feel like I am failing.